1. How do you feel about last year?
I have mixed feelings about last year. I think it has been a great year but there were also some parts that were not so good. When I look at my Facebook Year in Review and Facebook albums, I was reminded of several things:
(a) I connected with relatives.
Tita Anita, Tita Elena, and Marianne coming to the Philippines last January 2019. Although it was just a day, I am glad that I was able to spend a day with them because I seldom spend time with relatives especially from my father's side. More on spending time with my father's relatives, this year I got to mingle with Tita Benneth and Yusuke.
The reunion at Dumaguete last February 2019 was indeed something to be stored in my memories. It is good to establish one's roots. I saw how the Bruno clan was proud of its origins. I also got to talk to 2nd and 3rd-degree relatives. I helped by having Chito design the t-shirt for the reunion. Auntie Rita had a very beautiful farm. It's like a resort on top of a mountain. She was very hospitable and generous. She prepared a banquet for us and even hired a band to play live music. I read a Bible reading to the group. My favorite food in Dumaguete was the Sansrival. I took home some and ate most of it with Chito.
We also spent time with Tito Val last April 2019. It was Donna's initiative to go there. Before April 2019, I think the last time we went there was when Alyssa was 4 or 5 years old. I got to see Tito Eric and his nipa hut. We spent time at Tito Val and Tita Benny's house. Donna's family, Alyssa and I stayed at Isabel Suites. It was a bit challenging on the budget to stay at a hotel but at least the stay was comfortable. We visited Kapurpurawan Rock Formation, Bangui Wind Farm, and Cape Bojeador Lighthouse. On the way back, we stopped by Baluarte Zoo and Calle Crisologo in Ilocos Sur.
(b) Celebrate Alyssa's 18th Birthday.
I think Alyssa's birthday was a success even though it was met with several challenges like producing money for it, convincing the dancers to attend the practice, and inviting people to attend it. There are some things that I found out about myself during the preparation process. I am not influential enough to encourage people to attend my activities. I needed to rely on other people to do the convincing. When it comes to organizing, I am better if I am part of the support staff instead of the head. I think I need to work on my leadership skills. Planning events is physically and emotionally draining. I think I lost some of my confidence during the preparation and the actual day of the event. There were just things that did not go according to how I see it in my head. I found that I needed to ask people for help and not to be shy about it. I was grateful that some of my co-teachers helped out voluntarily. But on the bright side, I was glad that Alyssa was happy and contented with how her party turned out. I admire her because she did not allow herself to be stressed by the preparations and stuff. Instead, she just enjoyed the moment. I should acquire that quality. I think the reason why I was stressed was because I expected too much and I worried that the party would fail. I think I got a bit traumatized by this and so I will definitely think many, many times in case I will be asked to plan some big celebration that requires inviting a lot of people in the future. I'll be okay organizing small ones where the only immediate family is involved. But big ones, hmmm.... I will need a lot of thinking and self-convincing. Anyway, Alyssa's 18th birthday is truly a memorable one for me and for her. Many thanks to the sponsors.
(c) Our VISA was approved.
Late 2019 and early 2020 is a turning point in my life. Finally, our VISA was approved and we will be going to the US soon. I am excited, sad and fearful at the same time. Excited because I will be in a new environment. There will be lots of adventures ahead. I will experience 4 different seasons. I'll get to spend time with my parents, sisters, and nephews. Sad because I will leave the Philippines where Bunny and some of my friends are. I personally find it difficult to think that I will not see Bunny every day or hear his complaints about politics, government and work or smell his sweat or perfume or feel his embrace. I shall miss my friends in BNAHS especially the Gleek club where Stone and Snow are. I shall miss our time watching movies together, talking about work, chatting about ideas (or other people). I am sad to leave my advisory class because I feel that I am letting them down by not finishing the school year. I regret leaving my classes because they are generally good batches of kids. Fearful because I am not really the most confident person in the world. I fear that I will have difficulty dealing with other people who are more assertive than me. I fear to look for a new career because even now I still don't know what I want. I like teaching but I have issues with disciplining children and dealing with difficult students so I am not confident to apply for a teaching post. I like teaching especially when things go right and when my students seem engaged and seem to be learning. However, I also feel drained because of the amount of work I have to put through just to prepare for a lesson. I am considering taking up nursing. However, I am not sure if I will like nursing either. I am patient and have the capacity to learn. I think I can stomach disgusting stuff but I am scared of ghosts and dead bodies. Studying something new seems exciting and tedious at the same time. I am also open to other careers but I still don't know what will suit me.
(d) I became conscious of my health.
Last May 2019, I decided to embark on a fitness journey by changing my way of eating. It is one of the best decisions I made. I was able to lose 15 kilos in 7 months. I also try to move more. I dance Zumba from time to time with Alyssa. The benefits of being conscious of my health are plenty. I used to easily need to catch my breath when I walk on an incline but nowadays I can sustain my normal breathing longer. I feel lighter. Clothes fit me better. I get compliments from my peers that I look sexier. There was a point when a doctor told me to stop my maintenance medicine. Bunny is happy with the results. However, these past weeks I have been cheating on my diet due to the holiday seasons. Temptations abound! This is made even more difficult because we are on vacation. I was thrown off my regular routine. It is harder to control not to eat when you have plenty of time to eat. I need to get back on track once the holidays are over. I still need to reach my goal weight of 60-63 kilograms. Changing my way of eating is a challenge. There are still times when I feel I am depriving myself of the good things in life. However, I need to practice tough love! I need to remind myself that! If I love myself, I need to endure the temptation because it is for my own good. I do not want to get to the point when things become irreversible. Diabetes, hypertension, gout and other illnesses might be acquired if I do not change my way of eating.
2. Did your life change or stayed the same in the last year? How?
Some parts stayed the same while the other parts changed. I think I am able to accomplish saying "NO" to some of the things that burdened me before especially from work. I have mixed feelings about this. I feel that it is an achievement because I am able to say "NO." Examples include summer reading camp and speaking engagement in reading moments. It was difficult for me to refuse other people because I feel that I need to be nice to everybody and not disappoint them. However, if I accept their requests, I feel that I am losing personal time and sometimes it feels unfair because others get to have free time while I still need to work on some things when I could have said NO to the job. But then now that I said "NO," I also feel that I did not accomplish much in my career (but I did get to have more time to myself). Perhaps, it is because I feel I am not accomplishing enough. I feel less burdened though. I think I was able to watch more movies and soap operas and I had time to read some books. These I enjoyed very much because I feel I am taking care of my self when I give myself some downtime.
Lately, my confidence level has been dwindling. But I also feel that I am not so great this year. My emotions were easily swayed by students' reactions and it affected my performance. I think I need to work on my adaptability skills and learn not to carry too much emotional baggage. I need to avoid being worked up on small issues and to get over things in a shorter amount of time. The problem with me is I dwell on stuff instead of moving on.
Things that did not change? My love for Bunny and Twinky stayed the same. Routines at home are still the same. But I do hope that we can have more moments together as family. How can we have some quality time without spending too much? A lot of things will change this 2020. I will be far from Bunny and I don't want us to grow apart just because we will not be living together anymore. I want us to still feel togetherness despite the distance. And that can be a challenge. Both of us do not speak much. Although we can communicate via Messenger, I wonder how long our conversations will be? We aren't talkers. We're more of listeners.
3. List three of your "greatest hits" from last year.
First is losing 15 kilograms in 7 months. Although my weight has stalled now, it is still an achievement to change my way of eating for my health and well-being. I hope I can continue this way of eating in the following months. Second is Twinky's 18th birthday. It's a milestone as a parent. I now have an 18-year-old. Third is my promotion to Teacher III, which did not push through because I needed to resign in order to migrate. Anyway, I am proud that I ranked first among the candidates. I like the idea of moving up the career ladder.
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